As I sink in deeper into the adultworld I find myself asking what do I want to offer to society? Will all I have to talk about at dinner convos be about medicine? Sure I can talk about that patient I stabilized in the ER, that baby I delivered, that case I diagnosed, but those stories end pretty quickly. Unless you have other medical comrades to follow your thunder, you’ll usually receive some “oh that’s so cool, must be fun“‘s or evoke the occasional “ooh“‘s or “eww”s neither of which were responses fished for. And the truth is we in medicine usually want reprises from our world, moments of connection with the real world. But when we emmerge from our hospital microcosms we have so little to offer. Ideas and events fuel conversations and human connection. Time spent together weave hearts and souls together. What if you have little of the latter and as such have few of the formers? Then I consider, will I only be surrounded by people in medicine or will I make those who aren’t feel out of place or will I feel out of place? How do I avoid being estranged, feeling like I’m an anomaly, a strange girl who devoted herself to something but out of touch with 90% of the things that move and shape our culture? Must I choose? With knowledge of a busy training period ahead, eating up the rest of my youth, I feel like I must.

Is this a lonely road? I cannot say. I do not even know what holds today, or any power to make it stay. I do not have fine things to sell nor ways to ensure what the future foretells. There will be lonely times, I dare do say. But I will live my life with hope each day, until He calls me home to stay, right by His side forever and always.